Lost memories
by Amyress
Summary: 2 years have passed and Alanni is stilled haunted by her memories. but when those memories threaten the safety of her son will she be able to protect him from what she thought was gone? sequel to Open Arms F!HawkexAndersXSebastian
1. Chapter 1

A/N This is the first chapter to the sequel of Open Arms. If you guys have any ideas or such, (i.e questions you would like answered ) please let me know comments are welcomed!

Lost memories chapter 1

I felt my heart racing as the knife dug deep into his side. My breath caught as I watched his eyes grow wide with shock and realization.

"I always knew."

His voice echoed through my mind replaying his last words over and over again. And somewhere in the back of my head I could just here myself saying hopelessly ….

_Forgive me._

I woke with a start, dagger in my hand, examining the darkness that lay before me. Straining my ears, I listened to the sounds around me. The wind on the shutter. The prattle of the rats as they scampered across the wooden floors. The breathing of my son still sound asleep, his two year old body taking up more room than necessary.

Placing the dagger back on the night stand, I removed the covers and went to the kitchen.

The nightmare had been haunting me since I left. Every day the scene would replay in my head and every day I would pray for forgiveness…for something only I knew of.

Taking the kettle I filled it with water and put in on the fire to boil. Tea sounded wonderful right now.

The days seemed so long, the nights seemed so short. It would only be a matter of time before they'd find us again.

_Sigh_

The kettle sounded and I moved to make the tea.

Then I heard a crash.

Running to the room I pulled out a dagger expecting the worse but when I entered I saw nothing, heard nothing aside from the cries of Aedan's fear. Dropping the dagger I moved to scoop him off the bed. "shh, shh, Mama's here." I caressed his head to stop his crying. Carrying him with me I went over to examine where the crash had come from.

"Maker," the bottom shelf of the bookshelf stood collapsed on the floor, the books spread all across the floor. Placing Aedan down on the floor beside me I bent over and replace the shelf.

"Help Mama pick up the books?" I looked up at Aedan and smiled when he nodded and began to help.

Smiling we both began replacing the books back on the shelf just as we had done before.

That's when I saw it. Sprawled on floor underneath a chantry book.

Anders's manifesto.

"We've been through there before, your highness, with no sign of her." The aid was starting to sound extremely annoyed, which only helped to drop Sebastian's mood further.

Aggravated, he ran a hand through his un-kept hair. Glancing outside he saw the moon shining brightly through the window.

"'Tis best if we just stop. It's been two years without success and-"

He slammed his hand on the table. "I will not!"

The aid backed up slightly, scared that the next release for the prince's anger might be something more.

Taking a deep breath, Sebastian tried to calm himself. He must do something. One does not simply vanish.

"Aeron."

"sir." A very toned man stepped forward, his dark hair pulled back tightly into a pony tail.

"You, Fenris and I, we leave for Kirkwall tomorrow."

"Sire, what reason do you have-"The aid began but Sebastian held up his hand stopping his words.

"My reasons are my own." Turning to Aeron he said "We leave at dawn."

Aeron nodded and with that him and the aid left the room.

Sebastian turned to the window and stared at the sky.

_If only the world was as peaceful as it seemed now._

One way or another he would find them. Both of them.


	2. Chapter 2

Lost memories chapter 2

I hadn't slept that night. I stood up sitting at the table until the sun peaked through the kitchen windows. The manifesto felt heavy in my hands.

_it shouldn't even be here _ I thought.

My mind flashed back to the night I left Kirkwall.

* * *

Standing by the fire of the manor as all hell broke loose outside, watching the papers burn. The less the Templars found to associate her with him the better. She knew her friends would come here first though, I hoped anyway. They would find the place empty of her and they would worry. But she couldn't risk leaving any trail.

Behind her the door rattled. The voices of the Templars echoed in the outer hall and I knew within seconds I would be trapped.

Dropping the rest of the papers, I dashed to the cellar door. Taking one last look at the place I had once called home, I closed the door behind me and escaped into my freedom.

* * *

Tears ran from my eyes. Even with the two years that passed, my mind was still sensitive to the events that had transpired. My heart raced with every second I thought of it.

"Mama?" I looked to the door and saw Aedan standing there rubbing his sleepy eyes. Wiping the tears away from my own, I got up from my chair and strode over to him.

"Well good morning, sweetling." I scooped him up into my arms and hugged him close. "Shall I make us something to eat?"

He nodded, still sleepy, resting his head on my shoulder.

"Right, then," I placed him down into the seat, being sure to scoop up the manifesto before he could see it. "Now you stay there while Mama makes us some food."

* * *

"The trip should take us around two days by horse back." Fenris folded up the map and placed it into the saddle pack. "By night fall we should be far enough to safely make camp."

Sebastian nodded as he tightened the saddle. He had his assistant inform Aveline of their arrival, so she would no doubt be waiting at the gates the minute they came within the city limits.

Sebastian took a deep breath. He knew the answers he sought were somewhere within the walls of Kirkwall. That was where it had all started after all. For all he knew both of them were within his reach.

The clacking of hooves brought him out of his thoughts. Aeron was riding up to them on his black stallion. How the horse managed to carry a man of Aeron's size, Sebastian did not know, but he smiled up at his friend none the less. "All set, sire?" Aeron's voice was formal and sent chills through Sebastian's body. He still was not used to being held up as royalty. But the months slowly go by bringing him ever closer to his year mark.

But still, he felt wrong. "Please, Aeron, I've known you since you were a lad. No need for formalities."

Aeron smiled. "Aye."

"Shall we move on then?" Fenris swung one leg over his steed and positioned himself on to the saddle.

Turning to the rising sun, Sebastian was lost in thought for a moment. _Oh how the world has changed._

He swung up on to his horse and turned to the others. "Let's go."

* * *

"There we go." I set the plates on the table and sat down to eat.

"How did you sleep?" I asked as I cut a piece of bread.

"Ok." His voice sounded small and scared.

Worry crossed my face. Putting my bread down I and kneeled in front of him.

"He's coming Mama."

Fear quickened my heart rate. "Who's coming?"

The front door banged in and the Templars were on her without a moments notice.

"NO!" I watched as they grabbed Aedan. "LET HIM GO!" they tried to restrain me but I fought back.

Backing kicking the Templar behind me, I vaulted over the one in front of me and landed on the table grabbing the knife that laid there. But by the time I turned around four Templars surrounded me, swords drawn.

"If you come quietly, we will cause you no harm."

Looking at each of them, their eyes following my every movement, Aedan shaking , scared in their arms, I dropped the knife and dismounted the table.

A/N ok so this chapter was kinda scattered and will probably be improved as the story evolves but yes i had to set the plot since im trying to make it shorter then open arms. the next chapter will have more to it promise :) comments pleaseeeee


	3. Chapter 3

Lost memories chapter 3

They arrived in Kirkwall much quicker than Sebastian could have hoped for. The sun was barely rising when the city came into view. Feelings of nostalgia welled up inside of him. Memories of his adventures, of his friends. He truly did miss it all.

His horse came to a halt on the road. Could he really go through with it?

A hand grasped on to his shoulder. Turning he saw Fenris, wearing the same broody expression he had been for the last eight years.

Silently the elf nodded, as if he understood everything going through Sebastian's mind.

"Shall we?" Aeron asked , his voice sounding as if it were hiding something.

Sebastian nodded to his old friend and turned the reigns back toward the city.

The three of them had barely moved a foot when a company of guards came into view, Aveline leading at the front. The guard captain had changed over the years. Her hair was now cut short and layered, bringing a more feminine look to her round face. The look was very becoming of her.

"Well, well, if it isn't his royal highness and his chatty elf." Both of them smiled and greeted Aveline.

"Still the same old Aveline." Fenris spoke as he grasped Aveline's arm. "How is Donnic?"

She laughed. "Lonely as ever without you as a wicked grace partner." She turned to Sebastian .

"And how fair you, prince?"

Sebastian smiled. "In the past two years that is the only thing that has changed." He looked behind her, finally acknowledging the company behind her. "What brings you out to the outskirts so early?"

Aveline's face hardened and she once again became the serious woman Sebastian had known when in Kirkwall. " We got a message from the knights in Ostwick." She paused and looked him in the eye.

"They found her."

"I told you, I refuse to take part in this war!" they had me locked in a room. The brown walls felt like the bars of a prison. I hadn't been here long but already I couldn't wait to break out. Three Templars stood inside with me. Two by the door and one sat at the table, waiting.

How easy it would be to dispose of the three of them. She had taken down a lot more by herself.

Her mind flashed to Ander's clinic when she had been ambushed.

Shaking her head she focused back on the Templar in front of her.

"Now, Now Mi'lady. We both know that is far from the truth." He stated in a thick Fereldan accent.

The Templar before her removed his helmet letting his long blonde hair cascade down his face. His light brown eyes peered into hers and for the only second she believed she knew him.

"Bite me."

The Templar laughed. "Your son is quite the child isn't he?"

I froze in fear. "You leave him alone. He has nothing to do with this!"

"Oh but I beg to differ." Leaning over the table he smiled and whispered to her. " This a dangerous time to be born a mage."

I felt my eyes grow wide. I didn't even feel the anger rise before I took action. The moment he mentioned Aedan's nature my body shot out of the seat. Flipping over the table I had a grip on the Templar before the others even knew what was happening.

"If you harm my son in anyway, I swear on the maker's name I will kill you and ever Templar in this place."

"Now, my dear Champion, I can assure you your son is in protective care not far from where we are now."

Looking down at his face I searched for any signs of a lie. Again the familiar feeling hit me. Releasing my grip.

The Templar smiled. He waved his hand and the other two Templars left the room leaving me feeling extremely uneasy. Automatically I moved in to an offensive position.

"Ho, there. I've told you already we mean you nor your son no harm. "

"Is that why you break into my house, detaining us both?"

"Would you rather the seekers take you, then?"

The seekers. I had heard they were looking for me but had thought the rumors untrue. I guess I was wrong. "What do you want?"

"Answers."

The familiar Templar had left over 3 hours ago. I had nothing more to do then sit in the room and wait for what was to come. I worried for Aedan. I believed the Templar when he said they meant him no harm but his words were true. It was a dangerous time to be a mage regardless of the age you are. That was why I had been so determined to stay hiding. Ostwick had served us so well for the last two years.

Lost in thought I had barely heard the door open. "Hawke, you have guest."

The Templar from earlier stood in the doorway and only when his words left his mouth did he move, a smile spread widely across his face.

"AVELINE!" I ran to my friend and through my arms around her. "I've missed you!"

Releasing her, I really looked at her. "You cut your hair!"

"And you dyed yours." We let each other go and I could barely hold back tears.

"I'm so sorry... I didn't know what else to do…. I-"

"Save your apologies, Hawke." His brooding voice came from behind Aveline. I couldn't believe came from behind Aveline. I couldn't believe it. Looking behind her I was rewarded with the skinny figure of the white haired elf I had become so close to. "Fenris…" and then a thought occurred to me.

"If you're here then…. That must mean…"

"Aye."

I could barely hold back tears as Sebastian made his way in to the room. His eyes seemed lost and distant. His face was lined with stress and still I felt like my entire world was coming back to me.

Before I knew it, my arms were around his neck and his were around my waist. The hug barely expressed how much we had both kept in for all the years we spent apart. Even in the time we were together, when we kept so much hidden from the others and ourselves, it all seemed to be present in that one magical, hug.

" A chroi, I've missed you." His words made my heart beat faster than ever before. I would have stayed in his arms, but I knew something was amiss. I was being kept in the dark.

Wiping my eyes I took Sebastian's hand and turned to my friends. "Don't misunderstand, but what are you all doing here? Where are the other's? Varric, Isabella, Merrill?" so many questions filled my mind, my mouth couldn't keep up with the words.

Aveline and Sebastian laughed. "In time, Hawke, in time." Aveline gestured to the seats.

Smiling they all took seats around the table save for the Templar who stood by the now closed door.

"Cullen, you won't join us?" Sebastian asked and I couldn't contain my shock.

"Knight-captain Cullen?" the Templar smiled in response.

"No one's called me knight-captain in two years. Nice to see you again Serrah."

"You should have told me! I would have tried to strangle you."

Laughter filled the room. "Nice to see you haven't changed." Fenris smiled his crooked smile.

She smiled back. "When it comes to protecting the ones I love, nothing will change."

Cullen nodded. "Which brings us to why we brought you."

The room grew silent around me. Everyone avoided my eyes. "What is it?"  
"Two years ago, a powerful mage escaped the city the night you ran away. The prince has reason to believe that you are the mage's target."

"But I fought for the mages. Why would one be after me?"

Again quiet. I could hear the heart beats of each and every person in this room. Beating at a rapid pace, trying to find a way to word what they hadn't been able to tell her.

"Hawke," Aveline was the first to break the silence. "You must understand, we've been looking for you since that day."

"Just tell-"

The door flew open and a Templar stood out motionless in the doorway. "Sir, it's the boy."

My face grew still, wrapped in nothing but fear. No.

"What happened?" everyone but me rose from the table.

"He's gone."

A/N ok so i know its moving kinda fast but i dont want this drawn out and what not. i hope you enjoy reading it though. commenets pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee :)


	4. Chapter 4

Lost Memories chapter 4

I felt my knees buckle and had it not been for Sebastian I would have hit the floor.

"What do you mean gone?!" Aveline's voice was angry and distant. Fading with each gasp that I took.

"How could you let a little boy, barely two, walk out without a sound?!"

A sob escaped my mouth. I felt Sebastian rise from my side. Looking up I saw him turn to Cullen.

"Was it him?" his words were barely more than a whisper.

Cullen avoided his eyes. His face wore an expression of sorrow and pain but the words did not escape his mouth.

"What?" I looked to Sebastian and took his hand. "Who are you talking about?" my voice was to shaken for them to here. But each word made my heart race.

"YOU LET HIM IN HERE?" Fenris glowed slightly

"The Boy was meant to be protected." Aveline too was on edge.

"Aedan." My hand fell from Sebastian's arm.

"He was within our ranks." Cullen tried to clear his name.

"who?" shaking I began to rise up. First on to my knees. Then on to my feet.

"And you let him?" I had never heard Sebastian angry.

"We had no way-"

"WHO HAS MY SON?!" I cut Cullen off before he could defend himself further. My breathe quickened and tears rolled down my eyes. Maker only knew how I must look right now. But my anger made me not care.

"I HAVE BEEN KEPT IN THE DARK FOR THE PAST TWO YEARS! IF WHO EVER YOU ARE SEARCHING FOR HAS MY SON I HAVE A RIGHT TO KNOW WHO IT IS!"

Eyes avoided mine as I worked to catch my breath. I could feel my heart beating in anticipation. But no one moved to answer me.

"AHHHHHH" I moved to storm out the room. If no one was going to tell me what I wanted to know I would find out myself. Sebastian's hands caught me.

"LET GO OF ME YOU BASTARD!" I struggled against his hold. But it only brought his body closer to me. The intimacy sent shivers down my spine. "I Swear on Andraste's ass that if you do not let me go Sebastian Vael, I will-"

"Anders."

The name halted my movements. I felt myself slip in his arms as Moments flashed through my mind.

* * *

Years ago in Kirkwall. His lips on mine. Our bodies intertwined. His laugh, his smile. It was all things that had drawn me to him.

And then he changed. The smiles faded. The moments became scarce. Her love faded.

She remembered the end. The feeling of the knife in his body. The gasp of air as he took his last breath.

* * *

Never had he imagined this day. Never had he imagined meeting him. Seeing his blonde hair, her dark eyes. Their son had come to be truly beautiful.

He carried the boy into the house and untied his blind fold.

"Well hello." His voice was barely a whisper. "And your name is?"

"Aedan." He spoke in a small frightened voice.

The man smiled. "I'm anders."

A/N an extremely short chapter but i needed this set up so i can write about badass hawke lol comments... :)


	5. Chapter 5

Lost Memories chapter 5

My house in Ostwick seemed so calm when Aveline and I ventured back to collect my things.

I stepped inside cautiously, memories of my time here flashing before my eyes.

Holding Aedan when he was just a few months old. Watching him as the years went by. I could even remember when he first showed signs of magic. Even though we moved around to avoid attention, we had always returned here. This was where the memories were made.

Kneeling to the ground by the table, I picked up the plate of breakfast that had fallen. Tears threatened my eyes.

"Come on, Alanni. We don't have much time." Aveline came up behind me and placed a soft hand on my shoulder.

"Why didn't anyone tell me?" my voice was quiet and scratchy from the crying. I couldn't shake the feeling of being betrayed.

"We couldn't find you." Aveline's hand dropped. "Every time one of us got wind of where you might be, you would vanish again."

Two years. That's how long they've been looking for us. All of us.

My heart twisted with thoughts of what Anders could do to Aedan.

"I swear, if he harms my son in any way," I let the plate fall and turned my glare to Aveline. "I will show no mercy."

* * *

Anders reached for the toddler's hand, but he instantly flinched back. Anders smiled. "I'm not going to hurt you." he carefully reached out again but the little bot just kept backing up until he had reached the wall.

"Mama?" Aedan spoke the word quickly, fear clearly visible on his face.

"Your mom will be with us soon. I promise." slowly he rose from his spot and left the room closing the door behind him.

How could she keep this from him! Leaving him to die in the streets of Kirkwall, not telling him what he had left her with. How could she?! He lashed out at the wall beside him, his fist breaking through its exterior easily.

Vael. That's why she didn't tell him. The prince had corrupted her mind, turning her against him even more then he already had. He could have fixed things with her had he not intervened.

Anders hatred for the exiled prince had only grown over the years. Hearing of his exploits to reclaim StarkHaven as well as his attempts to find the runaway rogue and her son. He had kept very close tabs on all his old companions, hoping they would be able to find his lover. And he had been right.

And now the rest of the pieces needed to fall into place.

* * *

Sebastian paced back and forth as he, Aeron and Fenris waited for Alanni and Aveline to return.

They needed a plan. Anders couldn't have gotten too far. No. Sebastian knew he didn't travel too far. He wanted Alanni, and to draw her in he had to be somewhere near. So where could he have gone to escape the Templars but still be close enough to watch their movements?

His thoughts escaped him as the door swung open and Aveline and Alanni walked in.

"Did you find anything helpful?"

Aveline shook her head.

"What can we do then?" Alanni turned to him, her face pleading and begging for help as tears started to fall.

Sebastian felt his heart ache. Walking toward her he took her face in his hands and caressed it carefully wiping away her tears. "I promise you on my life, we will find your son."

He held her gaze until he felt her nod in his grasp. Moving away from his hands, she walked toward the window and simply stared out at the sunset. Sebastian and the others watched her with worried looks.

"This isn't right." Aveline said as she moved from the room, Sebastian, Fenris and Aeron in tow.  
"If we don't, find her son, surely the Templars or the seekers will."

Sebastian growled in anger. "No one will find the mage before I." he had waited so long for the day he could make the abomination pay for what he has done. Not only for taking those innocent lives that day the chantry was destroyed, but also for what he had done to Alanni. For so long she had lived her life believing he was dead. She was on the run yes, but she had been able to live without him and now he just swoops in and tries to take everything back. No. he would not have it.

"He might have returned." Fenris stated leaning against the wall of the room.

"You don't mean ta' Kirkwall, do ya'?" Aeron looked form across the table, leaning over the map. "He would be mad if he did, that's for sure."

Aveline's face lit up. "But what if he did? That's where this all started. If not there he might be close."

Sebastian turned and gazed at the map. They were a little more than a day's journey from Kirkwall. It was quite possible that he did return there but Sebastian knew so little about the mage that he could not be certain.

"I will speak to Alanni tonight, find out more about him. It's better to be prepared then to go in blindly."

Not to mention the fact that she herself could not openly walk into Kirkwall without being noticed. If they truly had to return to the city he would have to prepare her first.

"And the boy?" Fenris stood off the wall, his eyes glowing slightly no doubt because of the thoughts going through his mind.

Sebastian shook his head and moved to the door. "He would not harm his son." He said solemnly as he exited the room. Time was short.

**A/N ok so I know I have neglected this story as of late but with it being after the game I find it very hard to get the dialogue between the characters just right but hey I try **** I will however begin updating every week or atleast I will try to. My goal is to catch up with all my fics so good luck to me! XD lol Thank you al for the follows and favorites! I truly do love when someone finds my writing so interesting and it does help me feel better knowing that people read and like it. Hopefully someday I'l be writing something aside from Fanfics ;) please R&R the next chapter will be a lovely heart felt moment with our lovely couple yay!3**


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